Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Deus Ex Magica

Along with much of the rest of the world, I have found myself captivated by a fictional teenage wizard for much of the last decade. Over the course of reading the Harry Potter series, however, I came to realize that there is a major risk in writing a magical fantasy novel. In creating a magical universe, the author is free to invent all sorts of awesome phenomena: love potions, healing charms, the Force, etc.

The potential problem with this is the use of one of these magical inventions work your way out of a corner. If one of your characters is falling into a pit of acid: no problem, you invent an incredible base charm which neutralizes the acid and saves the day. Heroine trapped by a herd of hungry dragons? No problem, a sudden bout of scale-leprosy appears to set things right.

Why is this a problem? In an ideal story (according to literary theory), the characters succeed or fail because of their own actions. Even the sort of story in which a character repeatedly gets the worst of it despite his/her virtue, it is still the relation between what s/he deserves and what s/he gets that is important. It is a failure of good story-telling when the two are unrelated.

This means that framework of the universe must be laid out in its entirety long before the climax of the story. Exposition is vital, there should be no magical interventions to save writers from there own poor planning. In fact, any magic in the final chapters should be well understood by the reader long before it happens.

I won't ruin any books for you by evaluating whether or not the author stays true to this rule, but keep this in mind the next time you open a fantasy book.

Monday, September 17, 2007

More handicapping

Likelihood to be supporting an expensive gambling/drug addiction by accepting any and every part offered him:

•Christopher Walken 3:2

•Ben Stiller 6:1

•Will Farrell 9:1

•Ben Affleck 12:1

•David Hasselhoff 13:1

•Chuck Norris 21:1

•Dustin Hoffman 34:1

Monday, September 10, 2007

Mix Master P

Probably the single greatest mixed-metaphor I ever heard came during a convocation address by Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty. The Governor said:

When life throws you curveballs, embrace them.


Ouch. I'm not sure how many baseball players have ever actually tried to hug a curveball, but I think that most of them would agree that it's a bad idea. Not as painful as embracing a fastball, granted, but still a bad idea.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Dad-isms

If you think I have an opinion on everything, you should meet my father. He's got a one-liner for just about every subject imaginable. Here are just a few off the top of my head.
(Note: these opinions are my father's alone)

• Ever notice that you never see Darth Maul and Dennis Rodman at the same time? (also said about Jabba the Hut and our cat, Athena)

• In my opinion, you should be able to drink at 16, drive at 21, and you should have to apply for a license to have kids.

• If I had a button in front of me that would blow up every TV in the world, I'd push it in a second. (That might've been my uncle, but since they're identical twins they count as the same person.)

• Getting a shipment of lumber is a little bit like Christmas, and a little bit like getting [screwed]. (He's a carpenter).

• If something's worth doing, it's worth doing well.

• My feeling about the Second Amendment are the same as my feeling about the death penalty: I'm for it as long as I get to choose who it applies to.