How to name a fantasy sports team

The value of a good team name
Much of your legitimacy as a fantasy sports athlete is grounded in how clever you team name is. Just consider these two attempts:
Team Name #1: JDubzGangStarz
Team Name #2: The Lee Gwynners

The first example informs the rest of your league that you're knuckle-dragging imbicile who can reasonably be expected to trade away Steve Nash for Gary Payton. Side note: If you receive a lot of these trades, make a quick comparison between your team name and that of the guy offering the trade to determine which of you is the neanderthal.

The second team name inspires impressed nods from your competitors. They silently applaud the clever transformation of "Gwynn", surname of baseball great Tony, into a hominym of "League Winners". Respect--the ultimate goal of all fantasy sports--has been earned.


The three basic naming strategies
To help you name your next fantasy team, here are the three main approaches to finding a succesful team name:

1. Adroit Alliteration/Sublime Rhyme.
Players choosing this approach should aim for a two-word name. The first name should be geographic, perhaps describing your city or college of residence. The second should be your mascot, and should either rhyme of be alliterative with the first name. The wit in the name will hopefully be derived from the creativity with which you come up with a mascot, or ironic juxtaposition. Some examples: The Princeton Paupers, The Mississippi Dirty Hippies, The Pungent Pittsburg Pugilists.

2. Cultural Commentary
Those employing this philosophy of naming a fantasy team should shot for a concise sports/political/pop-culture witicism. Again, irony is a bonus. If your team has a particularly eccentric player, a name invoking his idiosyncrcies will often prove succesful. It should be noted that this type of name is a candidate for a mid-season revision should the reference become dated. Examples: Shaq Fu, Frank's Flip-floppers, An Inconvenient Ruth.

3. Ad Hominem Humor
Managers opting for this naming method should aim to poke some lighthearted fun at a league opponent. An important note: if you're going to dish it out you have to be ready to take it, so save your best and most offensive material for later retaliations. Examples: Eric's Ecofeminists, Tom's Mom's Johns, AMST 101: Homemaking.